Jackson Christopher

I don't want to forget a single thing from the last few days and at the same time I wish they had never occurred - Flavio told my mom Friday evening, "this was one of the most difficult days of my life....but I wouldn't trade this one for anything."

I don't journal, but I do blog, so this is probably more for me than anyone else . . . so please bear with me as a mother shares the birth of her precious son, perfect, complete, lacking in nothing!

Thurday, October 9th was our follow-up appointment for the perinatologist, we were, naturally, running late :o). It was Flavio, Lily and I, my mom had taken Ellie to school and was going to work in her classroom for me since we had this appointment. God had been preparing my heart in some way - I knew that there was something wrong. I had even toldFlavio the night before that I just felt like something wasn't right - I couldn't put my finger on it, but there was something amiss. . . little did we know. We were ushered in to the doctor's office and sat on the table to prepare for the ultrasound. As soon as he started I KNEW something was wrong - if you have ever seen an ultrasound picture - there is movement - we saw none, but he didn't say anything - he went about taking a few measurements - I couldn't really see the numbers, but I could tell that they seemed to be off from how far along I was. Then he measured the femur - it was measuring about 19 weeks . . . I knew that wasn't right - I even asked Dr. Mullins, "did that say 19 weeks?". At that point he asked if he could speak to me alone, since we had Lily, again I KNEW something was really wrong. I can't remember if he said it first or if I did, but it was apparent that there wasn't a heartbeat! I was completely at a loss for words. It is one thing to "think something is wrong" and a complete other to KNOW something is wrong!!! We knew that this was a possibility, but again, not the same when it actually happens! It was a feeling I pray I will never have to know again!!! The doctor eventually asked if it wasok to bring my husband and baby back in - he was very sensitive to the fact that Lily was with us - I thought that was very thoughtful! I toldFlavio - we cried!! Up to this point we didn't know the sex of our sweet baby, I wanted to know, NOW! Dr. Mullins told us what I had expected, it was a little boy! That was hard!!! I love my girls to no end, but the thought of a son was just . . . heartbreaking!!!! I desired a sweet little boy, but know that God needed our precious Jackson more than we did is of immense comfort! The doctor asked what we wanted to do - we said that we wanted to see Dr.Frields (my OB) as soon as possible - he wouldn't let us leave his office until he had spoken with Dr. Frields - he just wanted to make sure that Dr. Frields and his office were aware of what was going on and would usher us immediately in.

We left in a haze! And yet, there was always the grace of God around us - I can't tell you when or how, but we knew that God was supporting us through this! I was immediately thankful that God had, in some small way, prepared me. He is so gracious!!

Dr. Mullins' office is at St. Joseph's in Burbank so we got in our cars (Flavio was going to go straight to work after the appt.) and Flav headed down Alameda - I wasn't so sure what he was doing - he found a shopping center, left his car there so he could be with me and Lily! I was so thankful for that! I didn't want to drive to Glendale Adventist Medical Center (GAMC) by myself and I suppose he didn't either! We had talked before about what to name our baby and once we found out that he had a heart condition and may be in need of some help I had toldFlav that it was really important to me that our baby's name meant something - so on the way to
GAMC I told Flav that I wanted to find out what name meant something along the lines of a gift from God.

We arrived at Dr. Frields' office - if you know anything about him he is an excellent doctor and therefore he is BUSY (understatement of the century) - they were so kind and rushed us right in so we didn't have to wait with everyone else. Our doctor came in - we talked - He is one of the many gifts that God granted us! What a blessing to have a doctor who fears God! He told us to go over the Labor and Delivery where we would get started on all the things that were to take place.

God took care of EVERY detail - things that we would have never thought of - one was in the form of Flavio's best friend Jon. Jon and his family moved to Chicago a few years back - he was here for two days on business, Wednesday and Thursday!!! That was not a coincidence!!! God planned that - my husband needed his dear friend! Along with Jon, Heath came by - what a blessing to have these dear friends by our side at this time - we did our fair share of laughing and crying together! We love them so dearly!

Another precious gift was our nurse on Thursday - Bethany! She had been one of my nurses with Lily - her husband is studying to be a pastor and attends The Master's Seminary! Again, not coincidental that she had had to call in sick on both of her regular days because her little girl wasn't feeling well and when they asked her to come in on Thursday she was available! She was awesome!!

Because I had delivered Ellie Grace via c-section and Lily was a vbac (vaginal birth after cesarean) we had a choice to make - how was I going to deliver? (Side note - in the state of California if you deliver after 20 weeks it is considered a stillborn - we had a lot to learn.) This was a rather difficult decision to make - do we take the one that would result in a quick birth and yet have a long recovery or do we take the potentially longer approach of inducing labor (this could take anywhere from 6 hours to 3 days!) with the shorter recovery. Flavio was up for the c-section he didn't want to see me in any pain and wanted to "be done" and move on to the next step - I was torn! I could see his side, but I didn't really want to have to endure the after effects of major surgery. My dad had the idea that we should start with the induction and see what happened - my doctor had said we could change our minds at any time if we wanted - so that seemed to be the way to go. After about an hour or so of deliberating we asked our sweet nurse, Bethany, to order up the medication and get the anesthesiologist here ASAP! Under the circumstances I wanted to feel NO pain!!!

Again, we could see God's grace abounding! My cousin, Susan, who is really more like my sister and best friend, was able to be there the entire time - she and her husband have five children - her parents and brother and sister-in-law and nephews were in Europe leaving her with no babysitter - until she called her husband and found out that he was on his way home for the day and going to be home on Friday as well!!! Is God awesome or what?!?!?! She was with us the entire time!

One of the most precious moments during this entire time was right before our baby was born - Dr. Frields had said it would be about 30 minutes longer - my parents, Susan, and Flavio gathered around me and my dad prayed - a precious prayer from a father watching his daughter and son-in-law go through something so excruciating and the prayer of a sweet grandfather waiting to meet his grandson - that was a special time! Susan began singing "How Great Thou Art" - a time that I will treasure in my heart forever!

On Friday, October 10th at about 2:15pm we welcomed our first son Jackson Christopher Castro! He was, in our eyes, PERFECT! He had ten fingers and ten perfect tiny toes! He was PERFECT! He was 9 1/2 inches long and weighed 10 ounces. He was a tiny, perfectly put together little boy!

We are grateful to Our God and Father for giving us 5 1/2 months with our Little Jackson and praise Him that he is running on streets of gold rather than suffering here on earth!

This was awesome . . . Flavio had liked the name Jackson - I had constantly said it was too popular! I knew that the name "jackson" meant "son of Jack", but get this - Jack is derived from John and guess what John means??? Given by God! So amazing! See, God took care of EVERY detail! And Christopher means Christ Bearer! His name seemed so perfect! God planned this pregnancy and not us! We weren't planning to get pregnant at that time, but God's ways are higher than ours - His plan is perfect!!

I am sure that I have forgotten some things - maybe another blessing from the Lord!

We don't quite know how to thank all of you who have been and continue pray for us, who have called, emailed, sent text messages, or come in person - you have a special place in our hearts and are so grateful for each and every one of you! What a gift you are to our family!

Psalm 139:13-16
For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there were none of them.

We do not know why God chose to take our son home with Him, but we DO know that His ways are higher than ours and that He gave us our little Jackson as a gift, for a time! Our prayer is that, if you do not have a personal relationship with the God of the Universe, Almighty God, that YOU WOULD!!! Life is short and we have but one opportunity, this lifetime, to choose to serve God or not to! If you choose not to serve God then your eternity is bleak! It is separation from a merciful God and it is eternity in Hell! If you choose to know God, honor God, serve God, have a relationship with God, then your eternity is bright! It is an eternity in Heaven! John 3:16 is clear that God sent His one and only son, Jesus Christ, to this earth to die for OUR sins - yes, ALL OF OUR SINS! We are all sinners! Romans tells us that we have all sinned and have fallen short of the glory of God! We all deserve death, but God, in His graciousness, sent His son, Jesus, as our sacrifice - to take away OUR sins! That is awesome! There could be nothing greater than to know because of our sons death you have questioned your eternity and chosen to make Jesus Christ the Lord of your life! If you have ANY questions about the Word of God and what it has to say about your eternity we would be honored to talk to you!

Romans 11:33-36

Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscurtable his ways!
"For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been his counselor?"
"Or who has given a gift to him that he might be repaid?"
For from him and through him and to him are all things.
TO HIM BE THE GLORY FOREVER. AMEN.

Romans 8:28
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

Thank you for praying for our family!